Lost....

suddenly I see a big gap between the both of us after the 'big quarrel' a few days ago... is it there always, did I not see it? I'm completely lost... after that... our indifferences suddenly become so obvious... the distance between us suddenly felt far away... I suddenly realise that I am just standing at the same spot... never move... or have I? My mind is blank, my heart felt cold... the picture that I tried to hold on to... suddenly break apart... I suddenly realise that I hardly know the person who has been holding my hand for the past few months... who is he? what he do? how he feels? what he like? what he dislike? I felt a complete lost.... his pace of life is so fast that I hardly can catch up... he said that's his way of life... now you have me... can't you accommodate me and adjust it? I'm lagging behind... I'm not a practical person like you do... I'm a person who will be happy if you suddenly show up at my door step.... I will feel that you are sweet and love me when you suddenly get me a present that I 'want' (although I said I don't want most of the time coz I don't want he to spend). That's the reason why I will feel angry and dejected when incidents like asking him to help me change my dress during the weekend and he promise me he can. When I pass it to him, he said he cannot because he has a lot of stuff to do, etc. and will only help me on monday which in the first place he din't mention that he is that busy... all I decoded was he going to have lunch with his ex colleague and shopping after that... and since he has the time to do all those... he can be able to help me out. Even carrying a bag of clothing back home, he gave me an "excuse" that he is tired... but how tired can it be when the bag of clothes merely sits in the cab and only require his energy to carry it upstairs when reach? To me, it is those little gestures... waking up early on your off day to pop by my door step for breakfast... and not the expensive gucci bag, the expensive dinner treats....is doing the things that is not you... won't you feel happy that I will start to make effort to exercise with you likewise I will feel happy that if you will hop on the bus with me to Cameron highland which I know you drag the bus journey and the custom. It's the adventure that we share... squeeze ourselves among the crowd to watch fireworks and felt that it's romantic... cycle at ubin and get bitten by mosquito all over... posing silly in front of the camera, for memories that we can laugh at... talk about your financial world that I hardly know nuts about.... complaint and laugh about those stupid government people that you accounted... give me the signs that I will decoded as loved and protected... but I will know you will say that accept who I am now and accept how I love you.... it is the past that make me who I am now... if that's the case... will you accept that the past has make me lost all my emotion... n passion for love? I enjoy the company... with you occasionally going musuem with me... having picnic, etc... I want to do and explore more stuff with you... I felt that the relationship just stay still for very long... things start to get routine.... I don't want.... I want more now...